Trivia Tidbit - Excommunication

Well, it's been a month. A variety of factors, chief among them being unreliable internet that makes blogging a not-as-convenient pastime, lots of homework as I approach the end of my semester, and a 2-week vacation flitting around Poland and Spain, led to my hiatus. And now, I'm afraid I have nothing really profound to say... I just found this random trivia tidbit hilarious.

You see, I was looking up "on this date in history" for my birthday (procrastination is an artform), and apparently the Pope with the shortest term died on my birthday, isn't that sweet? Ah, malaria. The best part's yet to come. According to everyone's best friend, wikipedia:

Urban VII's short passage in office gave rise to the world's first known public smoking ban, as he threatened to excommunicate anyone who "took tobacco in the porchway of or inside a church, whether it be by chewing it, smoking it with a pipe or sniffing it in powdered form through the nose.

Would excommunication be a viable way of combatting smoking today?

Other things that get you excommunicated: (wade through this site if you're up for it)

• abortion
  
• dueling
• communism
  
• neglecting to denounce within a month a priest who has "solicited" you to "immodest acts" during confession (or "in a confessional," which made me giggle inappropriately. Funnily enough, this law dates from the 17th century)
  
• abducting a woman "with a view to marriage" (I like this one because you don't get automatically excommunicated just for abducting a woman)
• punching a nun

Just imagine if, by smoking, you could add yourself to the venerated list of people excommunicated by the Catholic Church, which includes, in case you were wondering, Freemasons, Fidel Castro, and Napoleon. I like to imagine that they all broke aforementioned rules. You can decide which acts you think each one committed. I'm chuckling right now, picturing Napoleon giving a nun the right hook.

Faux Amis - Mensuel

While we're on the subject (a month later), mensuel always looks like menstrual to me, even though I've known forever that it means "monthly." And I tell myself every time I see it, "Sam, menstruel means menstrual, mensual just means once a month. Focus, Sam." That last part is something I add on to inner monologues often, and maybe you wouldn't be surprised to know how useful it is.
It's not really a false cognate. Menstruation does happen once a month...and you can call it your "monthly" or what have you. It's just very, very strange to hear someone use a word intending it to mean a monthly magazine and think of menstruation. Trust me, it is even stranger than it sounds in context.
Just think of all the contexts in which one might use "monthly" and how awkward it would be in those few seconds it takes you to tell yourself that it doesn't mean menstruation. Maybe you get together with friends for dinner once a month, maybe you have to pay your rent every month... trust me, it's not that often, but it's often enough to throw you off.
And it's only worse when you see things like this:
Another fun fact: I found out by doing a google image search for "mensuel" that there's a gay French magazine called "M. Mensuel."

French word:
mensuel
English equivalent:
monthly

This is probably the least faux of my faux amis, but it's been seriously bothering me, people.

Faux Amis - Tampon

Here's a fun one! Today we're talking about everyone's favorite subject: feminine hygiene products! Speaking of feminine hygiene...I won't ever have to cover douche, will I?

So, in August, I'm traveling with my family and we're in a souvenir shop. My dad calls me over and says, "Sam, take a picture of this." And I obey.


There are a number of things I love about this situation. 1 - My dad was the one who pointed this out. 2 - The fact that when I think about it, I wonder why this doesn't actually exist (you know, like training bras - My Princess Tampons! They've got to have Hello Kitty ones in Japan, right?), and 3 - I can't decide whether the box above it was even funnier.


Tampon in French means stamp, but the kind you make in ink (not the envelope stamp, that's timbre) (And chevalier means knight, fyi). Tampon can also refer to a swab or a buffer. This is just one of those things that no one warns you about! Seriously, I've been learning French for how many years, and no one has ever bothered to teach me the word for tampon (which is actually also tampon, by the way, but how do you make a difference when you go to a store and ask where the tampons are?), or at least give me the heads up, like, "Hey, tampon isn't always what it looks like." But they don't teach you unsavory yet really useful words like condom (see preservatif) or pad (I had to look up sanitary napkin in an online dictionary, since they didn't have it under "pad": serviette hygiénique or serviette périodique). This is something legitimately useful and practical in everyday life, and yet my fine, public school education completely neglected it. Thanks a lot, American educational system.

French word:
un tampon
English equivalent:
Yes, it means a tampon. But also an ink stamp, or a cotton swab, or a buffer.

Word of the Day:
tampon en caoutchouc
rubber stamp (I just love how weird the French word for rubber is... caoutchouc...)

Faux Amis (et Vraies Amies) - Plantations

Sorry it's been a while since I wrote, but things caught up with me. I had two weekends in a row of visits from some good friends from the dear old Estados Unidos. It was lots of fun, though it's probably a good thing I don't have too many American friends in Europe, or I'd be super sick of visiting Toulouse's sights. It would get to the point where they would show up, and I'd just give them a map and tell them to knock themselves out while I chilled in a café somewhere.

Another catching-up note: There I was, eating lunch with a British friend, discussing how funny it is when British people ask for rubbers from Americans, or stick things in their pigeonholes, when she started to dig into her grated carrots and told me "I don't really want to eat... it's strange, but I have to think about it to avoid saying raped carrots." Faithful readers (hee, sorry, I just made myself chuckle with that) may remember my "Faux Amis" entry on râper... I love that there are other people affected by the similarity between an innocent culinary word and a very serious crime.

But now onto an actual faux ami, in honor of Karen's visit to the Ville Rose. It's not really a false cognate, but we saw a sign while wandering through various gardens that said "Merci de respecter les plantations," which really does mean "Thank you for respecting the plantations." You're welcome!


But plantation also means a planting, or a bed of flowers or such. But still, I'm going to continue to follow the sign's directions, yankee that I am.

Faux Ami:
plantation
English translation:
Well, plantation. And also planting, or bed of flowers/vegetable patch.

Prank Call

So, I just got a phone call on my cell from an unknown caller, and I pick it up. Usually unknown numbers are my parents, but just in case, I answer the French way.

"Allo?" I say. A little silence, and then the person on the other line says "Allo?" They sound confused, so I figure that it might be another Erasmus student that got my number somehow. I give another "Allo?", and they respond...

"Uh, est-ce que votre frigo marche?"

(my actual frigo, with postcards/magnets from my summer wanderings in France)

Well damn, who knew that prank works in French, too? I was a little impressed, actually. I always knew marcher meant to walk and to work, but I never connected them.

Touché, French kid. Touché.


Word of the Day
La bêtise
I think it best translates as foolishness, but I don't know of a good English word that would work in all of its various contexts. Faire une bêtise is to do something stupid: The guy in front of me at the counter the other day didn't have enough money, and he told the cashier "oh, j'ai fait une bêtise." Dire des bêtises is basically to talk nonsense, or drivel. And wordreference.com informs me that friandises ou bêtise is the French way to say "trick or treat."

Baker Street, Toulouse? And a Not-So-Aptly-Named "Rotary"

Was there a Sherlock Holmes convention in Toulouse? 5 minutes after seeing a guy in the street with a pipe - a real live, legit pipe - I saw this guy:

Then, I saw this by the médiathèque:







Couldn't they have named an actual rotary after the Rotary club?








Word of the Day:
un rond-point
Depending on where you are in the English-speaking world, a roundabout, rotary, traffic circle...and probably more.

Faux Amis - Hurler

Here's another faux ami which is probably not a false cognate, but might trip you up if you encounter it.

If a French person starts to hurl, they are not throwing up, nor are they taking part in this awesome Irish sport:

Although Irish hurlers are prone to hurl in the French sense. Hurler actually means to scream, or to yell. French loups (wolves) hurlent. They also probably vomit, but in this case, hurler would refer to the howling.

I actually found the real translation a lot less fun. I was reading my serial killer book, and the protagonist's mom started to hurl at him, and I pictured her throwing various vases, lamps, etc at him, which was a better better image than her just yelling at him.... and the idea of her vomiting at him is really the best misinterpretation, by far.

French word:
hurler
English equivalent:
to yell/scream/howl

Word of the Day:
hurler avec les loups
Literally: to howl with the wolves.
Figuratively: to follow the crowd