Faux Amis - Mensuel

While we're on the subject (a month later), mensuel always looks like menstrual to me, even though I've known forever that it means "monthly." And I tell myself every time I see it, "Sam, menstruel means menstrual, mensual just means once a month. Focus, Sam." That last part is something I add on to inner monologues often, and maybe you wouldn't be surprised to know how useful it is.
It's not really a false cognate. Menstruation does happen once a month...and you can call it your "monthly" or what have you. It's just very, very strange to hear someone use a word intending it to mean a monthly magazine and think of menstruation. Trust me, it is even stranger than it sounds in context.
Just think of all the contexts in which one might use "monthly" and how awkward it would be in those few seconds it takes you to tell yourself that it doesn't mean menstruation. Maybe you get together with friends for dinner once a month, maybe you have to pay your rent every month... trust me, it's not that often, but it's often enough to throw you off.
And it's only worse when you see things like this:
Another fun fact: I found out by doing a google image search for "mensuel" that there's a gay French magazine called "M. Mensuel."

French word:
mensuel
English equivalent:
monthly

This is probably the least faux of my faux amis, but it's been seriously bothering me, people.

Faux Amis - Tampon

Here's a fun one! Today we're talking about everyone's favorite subject: feminine hygiene products! Speaking of feminine hygiene...I won't ever have to cover douche, will I?

So, in August, I'm traveling with my family and we're in a souvenir shop. My dad calls me over and says, "Sam, take a picture of this." And I obey.


There are a number of things I love about this situation. 1 - My dad was the one who pointed this out. 2 - The fact that when I think about it, I wonder why this doesn't actually exist (you know, like training bras - My Princess Tampons! They've got to have Hello Kitty ones in Japan, right?), and 3 - I can't decide whether the box above it was even funnier.


Tampon in French means stamp, but the kind you make in ink (not the envelope stamp, that's timbre) (And chevalier means knight, fyi). Tampon can also refer to a swab or a buffer. This is just one of those things that no one warns you about! Seriously, I've been learning French for how many years, and no one has ever bothered to teach me the word for tampon (which is actually also tampon, by the way, but how do you make a difference when you go to a store and ask where the tampons are?), or at least give me the heads up, like, "Hey, tampon isn't always what it looks like." But they don't teach you unsavory yet really useful words like condom (see preservatif) or pad (I had to look up sanitary napkin in an online dictionary, since they didn't have it under "pad": serviette hygiénique or serviette périodique). This is something legitimately useful and practical in everyday life, and yet my fine, public school education completely neglected it. Thanks a lot, American educational system.

French word:
un tampon
English equivalent:
Yes, it means a tampon. But also an ink stamp, or a cotton swab, or a buffer.

Word of the Day:
tampon en caoutchouc
rubber stamp (I just love how weird the French word for rubber is... caoutchouc...)

Faux Amis (et Vraies Amies) - Plantations

Sorry it's been a while since I wrote, but things caught up with me. I had two weekends in a row of visits from some good friends from the dear old Estados Unidos. It was lots of fun, though it's probably a good thing I don't have too many American friends in Europe, or I'd be super sick of visiting Toulouse's sights. It would get to the point where they would show up, and I'd just give them a map and tell them to knock themselves out while I chilled in a café somewhere.

Another catching-up note: There I was, eating lunch with a British friend, discussing how funny it is when British people ask for rubbers from Americans, or stick things in their pigeonholes, when she started to dig into her grated carrots and told me "I don't really want to eat... it's strange, but I have to think about it to avoid saying raped carrots." Faithful readers (hee, sorry, I just made myself chuckle with that) may remember my "Faux Amis" entry on râper... I love that there are other people affected by the similarity between an innocent culinary word and a very serious crime.

But now onto an actual faux ami, in honor of Karen's visit to the Ville Rose. It's not really a false cognate, but we saw a sign while wandering through various gardens that said "Merci de respecter les plantations," which really does mean "Thank you for respecting the plantations." You're welcome!


But plantation also means a planting, or a bed of flowers or such. But still, I'm going to continue to follow the sign's directions, yankee that I am.

Faux Ami:
plantation
English translation:
Well, plantation. And also planting, or bed of flowers/vegetable patch.

Faux Amis - Hurler

Here's another faux ami which is probably not a false cognate, but might trip you up if you encounter it.

If a French person starts to hurl, they are not throwing up, nor are they taking part in this awesome Irish sport:

Although Irish hurlers are prone to hurl in the French sense. Hurler actually means to scream, or to yell. French loups (wolves) hurlent. They also probably vomit, but in this case, hurler would refer to the howling.

I actually found the real translation a lot less fun. I was reading my serial killer book, and the protagonist's mom started to hurl at him, and I pictured her throwing various vases, lamps, etc at him, which was a better better image than her just yelling at him.... and the idea of her vomiting at him is really the best misinterpretation, by far.

French word:
hurler
English equivalent:
to yell/scream/howl

Word of the Day:
hurler avec les loups
Literally: to howl with the wolves.
Figuratively: to follow the crowd

Faux Amis - Collège

Okay, this is a word you tend to learn pretty early on in French class, and you tend to get hit over the head with it to make sure you don't make the mistake of thinking that French kids are so genius that they go to college at the age of 10. Collège really just means middle school, and should not be confused with the American usage of an institution of higher learning.

The reason I bring the word up at all is that I've had multiple conversations with anglophones here over what "college" actually refers to in English. You see, I had no idea that it meant something completely different to the British, who according to wikipedia (I know, my research is infallible) use it in the more generic sense of an educational institution. The way these British guys explained it to me, "college" for them happens in between high school and university (since high school ends earlier for them).

And now wikipedia's just confused me even more by pointing out that some British private schools (which they call "public" just to screw with my head) are called colleges, too, like Eton College. Oh, and "colleges" at the university-level can't give out degrees, only the universities do.

Which still doesn't explain the Electoral College - but then again, who can?

So I feel bad for the poor francophones who have to wade through the mess of the word "college," which almost never actually has the same sense as their word collège. But then I remember that they say "préservatif" instead of condom....

French word:
le collège
(American) English equivalent:
middle school

Faux Amis - Chair

So, I have to take some literature courses this semester, since my French major only accepts a certain number of credits for non-lit courses, and so I started taking a course about romans policiers, which I guess would translate best to crime novels. While reading one of the novels assigned (a Jack Ellroy novel (Killer on the Road) translated into French - which has led me to the conclusion that translations are just never, ever the same as the original - cf: "quoi de neuf, docteur?"), I came across an important faux ami which had not heretofore been pointed out to me.

While the French are strange, they are not actually made out of chairs and blood - chair actually means flesh. While I struggle to think of instances in which you could actually think chair meant "chair" in context, hopefully this will prevent some confusion.

Although I sort of like translating couleur chair purposefully wrong ("it's chair-colored!")... and les désirs de la chair, too, come to think of it (but would one desire a chair, or does the chair have its own desires?).

French word:
la chair
English equivalent:
flesh, meat

Word of the Day:
la chair de poule
goosebumps

Faux Amis - Râpé

The second in my new series, faux amis (false cognates), or words that may trip you up if you're an anglophone in France (or a francophone in the U.S., why not).

The first time I saw "CAROTTES RAPEES" in the grocery store, I was quite bemused at the idea of raped carrots.

Râper actually means to grate/shred. For those of you etymology enthusiasts: Generally, the little carrot (accent grave) above a vowel means there used to be an "s" after it, like hôpital, or fête (think "feast" or "festival"). So râper is related to rasp, which originated from the Old French rasper. But the little carrot (and other accents) sometimes gets dropped, especially when a word's capitalized, so "râpé" might become "RAPE" on a sign/label, which offends the sensibilities on two levels, being both a false cognate and in a rather aggressive typeface, wouldn't you agree?

Rape is actually le viol in French (verb form: violer), so purple man and raped man would sound the same in French. I like to imagine that there are situations in which this has caused confusion.

French word:
râper
English equivalent:
to grate, to shred

Faux Amis - Preservatif

Thus begins my new series, faux amis (false cognates), or words that may trip you up if you're an anglophone in France (or a francophone in the U.S., why not).

Most of the time when I don't know a word, I just take an English word and French-ify it, which works most of the time, but you gotta watch out. Préservatif is probably the most important false cognate to look out for - it is not your friend!

There I was, discussing natural/organic foods and brought up the problem of food with too many preservatives in it - and the rest of the room cracked up. Apparently the idea of food with condoms in it is hilarious (and it is, when it's not you they're laughing at).

French word:
Le préservatif
English equivalent:
Condom